Why I Love Being a Homeschool Mom

Guest post by Karen Loethen of Homeschool Atheist Momma  

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

- Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Image:FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Most families do not homeschool.  Most families send their children to public schools, private schools, or alternative schools.  

As a homeschooling mom, I am SO in the minority.  As a homeschool mom, I am SO stereotyped.  As a homeschool mom, I am, to someone, a representative of all other homeschool moms.  As a homeschooling mom, I am accused of being selfish, of being too sheltering to my children, of disrespecting the school system by taking my children out of it, of being infuriatingly confident that my children can learn without the school system, of being frighteningly inadequate to attempt the education of my children, of being in an unhealthy and enmeshed relationship with my children, of raising children who are insecure around others, of having children who are unable to form close and intimate relationships with friends, of losing the respect of my children and being unable to discipline them in their confusion of my role, of preventing my children of acquiring skills necessary for living in the society at large, and, most frightening of them all, of depriving them of THE PROM. 

How heinous and awful I sound by this count.

You will have to read my blog and/or other extended writings if you are looking for evidence to support homeschooling.  This writing is not about that.  It is about being a parent in such an unpopular and outside-of-the-box lifestyle.  (I have included some links at the end of this post for those who are interested in such reading.) 

Think of it this way, in some way, ALL parents are outside-of-the-box in something :
The common knowledge encourages breastfeeding until 13.62 months, but you did it for three months.  The popular opinion is that all children should read “Best Boring Poems” by the time they are eight years old and you waited until they were teens.  The other parents have the uniform company stitch the name on the back and you did it yourself.  The PTA parents discuss earlier bedtimes and you allow your child to watch SNL.  The authorities insist on early-in-life vaccinations and you choose to have them administered after eighteen months.   The important people insist that a religious background is essential to bringing up “good kids” and you are an agnostic.  The popular parenting philosophy is attachment families and you do not accept the model.  You disagree with families who practice non-violent parenting.  Your family loves steak and does not agree with the notion of families that are vegan or non-vegan.  Families are those made up of a mother and a father and the children they give birth to and you are gay, an adoptive parent, a single parent, living with your parents, or any other of the many lifestyles out there.

Today's challenge : de-clutter your inbox

It's the right time of year for spring-cleaning - with the weather we've had in the UK of late, I'd almost go so far to say it's Summer - but the challenge I have for you today is not to get the curtains dry-cleaned or the gutters swept out. Instead, may I suggest you de-clutter your inbox.

Image : FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We all have our own particular "that does my head in" aspects of technology, and one of mine is my inbox. Even though I have set up different email addresses for work and "play", my yahoo and hotmail accounts regularly receive too many emails for me to be able to tell, at a glance, which ones are worth reading and which ones I can ignore. I soon find that even the emails I kept, to "read later" are deleted in frustration at the level of information heading my way on a daily basis. 




Most of this is stuff I signed up for - newsletters from brands I like, charities I support or services I use - the spam filters are pretty good with yahoo in particular, but I never have the time or energy to absorb all the detail. Constant emails about great savings, freebies, political campaigns and new, improved products make me feel I should be buying something, making some decision or taking some action, when really I am in danger of information overload. Then there's the feeling of "what will I miss out on?" If I don't read the email from Ikea, maybe I'll miss out on a 25% discount voucher just when I want to buy some bunk-beds. If I delete the newsletter from Boots without opening it, maybe I won't find out the latest way to treat my child's allergies this Summer. As a result, I'll be out of pocket, I'll do the wrong thing, I won't be as good as I could be because I won't have the information at my fingertips.  

Eat Well Spend Less

Eat Well Spend Less – the Complete Guide to Everyday Family Cooking, Sarah Flowers, HowToBooks, RRP £9.99

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Since I started secondary school in the late 1980s, and was already certain that I as a young woman could “have it all”, Domestic Science (a.k.a Cookery) lessons, were, I decided, completely irrelevant. Surely I would be running the country by the time I was thirty?

Although, as a mother of two, I have the diplomatic skills of a UN Ambassador, my skills in the kitchen are severely limited, not helped by the fact that I married a man who enjoys cooking and BAKING (!) and even “finds them relaxing.” (Please don't worry, that ain't us in the photo!) However, since my husband works full time, I have made attempts to improve my culinary offerings, with small success. I plan the week’s menu, for a start. It does, I’ll admit, still contain meals like tinned tomato soup, ‘though. When howtobooks asked me to review the revised and updated 2^nd edition of Eat Well, Spend Less: The Complete Guide to Everyday Family Cooking therefore, I jumped at the chance.

What I love about Sarah Flower’s book is that it assumes nothing, even though she is a nutritionist. That makes me feel less inadequate. Furthermore, I not only have limited skills, I have a limited budget. In addition, since I dislike cooking, I do not want to spend three hours a day in the kitchen, especially since there is little guarantee that my two children will eat the end result. What I want is a collection of fuss-free recipes that don’t contain twenty ingredients each and that will save me money as well as be nutritious. Astonishingly, the 200 or so family recipes Sarah Flower has included in this fantastic book tick all those boxes, with most costing less than £7 for a family of four.

Image: HowToBooks

I have been meaning for some time to make my own Cornish pasties, soup and quiche from scratch, and to stop buying Korma sauce in jars at the supermarket for our weekly curry, for example, but I have lacked the confidence and motivation to actually do anything about it. This book makes me feel like I can tackle that and more, because it is straight-forward, easy to follow, and is written from the perspective of a working mother-of-two, rather than a celebrity chef. The “everyday-ness” of its recipes warms my heart. I don’t need to know what to serve at a sophisticated soiree for friends; dinner parties are not on my radar. I just want my kids to eat and be healthy.

 In addition to recipes, Sarah shows us how to cut down food waste by making the most of leftovers, stocking up our store cupboards and using our freezers more efficiently, so her book is a housekeeper’s guide as well as containing lots of do-able recipes. Her message is simple but it’s one we cash-strapped mums all need to hear: you can lead a healthy lifestyle and still save money.

Random Phrase: "If I have children over for a play date, I get them to make their own pizzas.”

Who would like it? Crystal Paine
Marks out of 10? 9


If you enjoyed reading this post, you would probably also like The Art of Vegetable Inclusion by Stealth

Today's challenge - Send a Postcard

Remember when you used to look forward to the post arriving each morning? (Remember when the post actually DID arrive in the morning?) Wasn't it brilliant to get a letter from a friend, loved one or relative, to recognise their handwriting, tear the envelope open, read it and re-read it! 


That doesn't happen very often these days. Usually if we've got something to say and we can't make time or energy for a phone-call, we send a text. But, while in the late 1990s, it was quite exciting to hear the beep of the text alert, nowadays we get so many, we don't even bother to check them, since it's probably a firm telling us we can get compensation for the accident we didn't have or recompense for the insurance we weren't mis-sold. 


No-one would argue that a text is meaningless and it's a great way of quickly checking someone is okay or letting them know you're thinking about them just before their doctor's appointment. It's immediate and handy, but a text can't be cherished. Although many of us although we want to tell our friends how much they mean to us and would like them to do the same, we are not inspired to get out the Basildon Bond and write a long letter of comfort, encouragement, or simply good news. The empty sheets of paper are daunting, far more so than the screens on our mobile phones or computers. There's no spell correct or delete key. Those times when a text or IM isn't enough but a letter is so difficult to word right...what we tend to do is procrastinate and fail to communicate at all. And then we wonder why it's so hard to get our kids to write thank you letters!

The alternative for busy mums who want to say something more meaningful than "how r u?" is the humble postcard. It's a tough world out there, and we all need all the support we can get, so  let's make the first move. My challenge for you today is to send someone a note on a postcard to tell them how important they are to you and how great it is to be friends. If you got a message like that, wouldn't it make your day? So start the ball rolling. There are some gorgeous postcards available at The Postcard Store - great for thank you letters and entering competitions as well - and if you buy in bulk, they're as little as 43p each. It will take just a few minutes but you'll be spreading the love, and what goes around comes around! 


If you enjoyed reading this post, you would probably also like How to Be A Lifeline and You Got a Friend in Me

The Art of Vegetable Inclusion by Stealth

“What’s this in my dinner, mum?” wails Prima, fishing an Unidentified Frying Object from the plate of pasta in front of her. “It’s a bit of onion, isn’t it? I don’t like onion!”

Bah, I think to myself, that one must’ve slipped through the net. Little do my children know that their meals are packed with vegetables most days of the week. This is because I practise the art of Vegetable Inclusion By Stealth.

Image : FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have learned the hard way that striking a balance between providing healthy food and providing food my children will actually eat is a problem that doesn’t disappear, even when they start school. As many mums will know, there’s nothing more frustrating than spending half the afternoon cooking from scratch (like the Government tells us to), dicing vegetables and braising meat only to have your family turn their noses up at it and request fish-fingers instead.

Instead of giving in and serving sausages, chips and beans every day of the week, buy yourself a handheld blender. Vegetables like onions, mushrooms, peppers and courgettes can be cooked in (not too much) oil first, added to just about any meal you like, and then blended. A little bit of anything you have in the vegetable rack, the bottom of the fridge (no, not that limp celery!), or defrosted from the freezer, can be sneaked in, adjusting the flavours afterwards with tomato puree, dried or fresh herbs, even a teeny bit of sugar, and condiments. This works for casseroles, soups, potato gratins, lasagne, fajitas, pasta bake, curry and any other sauce-based recipes, so even if you’re freezer cooking (have a look at Katie’s brilliant guide at Cutting Back Kitchen if you’re new to that concept), that’s your five a day sorted. One less thing to worry about and, hopefully, clean plates all round.


If you liked this post, you will probably also like reading: Are Your Kids Fed Up With Yoghurt?

Think About Your Thinking

Think About Your Thinking: To Stop Depression A fast and simple system to relieve distress. Dr N Ridgeway and  Dr J Manning. RRP £9.99. Foulsham

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Like many mums, I'm a self-help junkie; my bookshelves are groaning with tomes, from You Can Heal Your Life to Happy Housewives. Most of them are much bigger volumes than this small, neat, hardbacked book. This, coupled with the promise that the authors offer a "fast and simple" system to relieve distress, made me wary as to the value of its contents.

Before I opened the book, I thought it was going to be just another NLP/CBT gospel, written by clinical psychologists who have never personally encountered depression, who promise the moon and the stars if you'll only buy their hardback.

However, even in the first reading, I experienced a number of great lightbulb moments. Maladaptive environment is a phrase I've been looking for, but never heard before - it's one that fits my past really well. Sometimes it's comforting to be able to put a label on experiences. It was also interesting and helpful to read about the tendancy to withdraw, just when it's friends and distractions that would help us, not isolation. Being lonely and empty gives us more time to dwell on our depression and reinforces our low self-esteem.

It's hard to put across how much help and comfort is contained within the pages of this book.  Because the narrative is set out as a conversation between a therapist and a client, it is easy to read, and the themes are broken down to make them manageable instead of overwhelming. Any "psychology-speak" is explained carefully and in a non-patronising way, and each session can be consumed and reflected on by the reader, even if he or she is in a bad place.

Confessions of a gymophobic

I was not one of those mums who snapped back into a size 10 weeks after the birth of my second child, were you? I never liked PE at school and regarded exercise as just another chore to get done, preferably without inducing an asthma attack. Getting fit and shapely again seemed yet another impossible goal, and was way down on my priority list for a number of years; it was a case of “nine months on, five years off”, in terms of the extra pounds I was carrying around.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What changed my attitude was the opening of a new gym, not far from my home. I passed it on the walk to school with my daughter and the walk to play- school with my son, so it was difficult to ignore. It was women-only, and promised to be unintimidating, 30-minute circuit-based and tailored to each member’s individual needs, offering regular re-assessments with instructors so that progress could be monitored and workouts revamped. No mirrors, no men…no more excuses. Gymophobics was its name.

Not only did Gymophobics open my eyes to the fact that improvements in fitness can be achieved whatever starting place you are at, but the exercise itself had a great affect on my mental state. Finally I began to understand the thirst our bodies have for physical exercise and challenges. Best of all, I didn’t have to feel guilty about spending hours slogging away at the gym. With three or four half-hour visits a week, I could get results and still get the housework done (or not, if I’m honest!). Lastly, with a monthly membership fee of around £30, it was brilliant value, and just on my doorstep.

Having lost more than seven inches since I joined Gymophobics, I am now fitter and more toned than I have ever been, which has done wonders for my self-confidence and self-esteem. If there’s a Gymophobics near you, ladies, I really recommend you give it a try; you can search for one by postcode here. I see exercise as an essential tool for managing my depression as well as keeping my heart rate and blood pressure low, and it is a really good example to set to the rest of my family. Finally, going to the gym has become a positive part of my life.